Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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