I just pynch a tree in the face
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
