Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
