Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
