why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
