you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
