I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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