He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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