Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and she was petting her beer can
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
