god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
