It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize