My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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