i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
