sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
