he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
