I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
