What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
