you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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