ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.