My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.