So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.