Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
