tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
