Sry I called you an 8
wrigley field is MILF paradise
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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