I love black thongs
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
