Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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