The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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