At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
