Michael Bay diarrhea
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
my liver is dry heaving
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
