so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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