I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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