If i could tip my vagina, i would.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
