I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
