i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
