oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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