It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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