I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
