...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
