If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
