I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
