Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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