Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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