Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
