I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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