yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
