you lied. pity sex is amazing.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
