is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
