please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
