I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
