I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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