I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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