Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
