we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
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The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
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struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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