Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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