I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize