wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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