We won't sleep together?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
