yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
