And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
