Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
