u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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